Jeune forgeron

  很多时候都想写点什么，但几乎都是在身边没有笔纸的情况下，等到闲下来的时候却又提笔忘字，就好象女人生孩子前的阵痛一样，可是苦恼的是这阵痛到是没完没了，就是不留恋人间。所以我就一直一直的在不停的在乱涂乱画，希望有一天什么灵感能闪击我一下让我也写个哈利波特什么的在全球范围内做个抢钱巨鳄。
我倒是擅长往别人的嘴里扔干布，对于很在乎的人很想表达一个意思，可说到最后，却表达了另一个相反的意思，最后不欢而散，也许是因为是真的在乎。
我是个不会说对不起的人，明明有好感，却要擦身而过。。。我向你说对不起，是你，你知道的。把所有的对不起都说了。 有些剧情是在心里编辑过的，所以要按心里面的剧本演下去。这是一直告诉自己的，不可违抗，即使痛，即使累，也要撑下去。我不爱你，这就是我的剧本。所以，无论你怎样看着我，我还是要告诉你，我不爱你。更要告诉自己。在他离开我的那一刻我就告戒自己不要再爱上任何人，爱是一把锐利的刀，而我怕痛，怕死。所以你恨我也好，觉得我可怜也好，请你离我远一点，不要靠近了，求你。。。 你的天空辽阔，而我是一只不能离开海洋的鱼，爱上你，我会死掉的。 你给的温柔我要不起我也不想要，只求安稳，可是为什么却如此难过呢？爱陌生人的身边醒来，并不是意见浪漫的事情，可却不能让自己停止在别人身上寻找你的影子，哪怕是一点点，也要幻想你在身边，可是也在纵情的刹那蓦然发现，这是个多么大的谎言呢？骗了全世界的所有人，却骗不了自己。
一个干净的笑容打破了一室的沉静，好象这一切的安谧都不曾发生过一样。
心也被扰乱了，在什么时候呢？不记得了，初见的时候么？
真好，若一切都只如初见。

一切到此，早已疲倦，只是习惯还是无法放开，明知道已经没必要再绑在一起了，却还要倔强的一起灭亡，却不知道在一起跌进谷地之前，早已经互相伤害的体无完肤。过程体无完肤，结果惨不忍睹。那双脚腾空的半秒钟比一生还浓烈，比一辈子还漫长。在某个午后镜子中，学会的自嘲而空洞的笑。夏天最热时候的太阳能把人晒化，想最好把体内的水全部蒸发掉，这样就不会哭出来了。像是在和心里的难过赛跑—那是场突如其来的，毁灭性的洪水，要赶在洪水前面把它关起来。 好奇怪啊，说爱着你的人，吻着你的人，和故意要伤害你的人竟是同一个人。

自己又在说些什么呢，我想只有你明白的吧？？？

最近总是觉得自己好象已经写不出来很感性的文字了，回头看看原来是没了伤感，没了自己的疼痛，甚至自我催眠也不成功，想想，原来这几年没了值得纪念的伤，满地回忆的碎片，曾经以为会一直刺到流血，不会好的伤口，却在不知不觉中，早已蒸发不见，原来，年少时候的烦恼是用冰做成的，总有一天会话成水的，只是在你心里留下碎片的人，挫骨扬灰也能一眼辨认。

说也很是可笑的，没了感伤却也多了无聊，挥之不去，好象一切又回到了原点，让我有时候不禁缅怀曾经为一个表情伤神的日子，让我有老了好多，积极的面对好象是在嘲笑，不知道该面对什么如何去积极，总是在想是不是该有个契机改变一下呢？可是呢，改变的话也会痛苦的吧？？？

有的时候好象在按照脑子里想念的人模式在生活，就连说话好象也不说的自己的想法，这样下去，是会变成另一个人的吧？可是那个人是谁？在哪里？只是让我的面前的沟渠更深而已吧，可是却忍不住追逐那个身影，那个只在我的心里存在的身影。对于那个人，当然也有遇见，只是为了印证物是人非这个词而已。没有理由的吧。还记得，想起来只能微笑而已，最后还是输给了今天，反而是现在才清晰的看见你的脸，好笑的吧。现在的我还不能冷静下来，因为还没找到吧，那个人。

还能找到么？不禁怀疑，这么久了。

那是在经历了很多很多后才有的智慧吧？青涩的问句，禁不住透出苍老。这样醒来却是那样的不甘愿的吧，身边的陌生人，在惺忪的瞳孔未凝结的时候我就已经起身离开。在没记得之前就已经忘记，这个就是想要的成熟么？那么舍弃怎么样呢？不想觉得自己可怜而已，全世界最难欺骗的人就是自己，却还忍不住的。

走远了么？还是说等在原地的我已经离开了呢？在茫茫大海溺水，得不到救赎，下沉，下沉。

呵呵，又是一篇不知道在说什么。

  也许在喧哗之后的落寞会更加空虚，最近一直很忙碌，好象把曾经的空白也要一次添满，DEF考试还在准备阶段，没什么可以挣扎的，唯一的希望就是努力，注册会计师就剩等结果了，英语过级考试以及日语也在紧锣密鼓的准备中，总之生活是一直向着一个方向发展下去的，其间好象看不到什么岔路，我喜欢这种感觉，一直能走下去的感觉，未来还有希望。

  让我很不爽的是最近的中文水平又创新低，昨天我们在计划周末活动的时候竟然在众目睽睽之下提笔忘字，而最后终于还是写上了个错的，郁闷…… 昨天和朋友说话，聊起一个人，一时间竟然不知道该怎么形容，最后还是用英语解释，很无奈，此并非我故意炫耀我的外语，况且也没什么好炫耀的，只是中文退化的厉害，朋友说我是外国文化接触太多了，也许和我学的专业很有关系，能用到的中文真是少之又少，即使用到了也基本上是用电脑敲出来，语言是工具，外语没学好，却要连中文都要忘记，真的是很可怕啊。

  很多时候刻意的学习一样东西很困难，而我们却不懂得化整为零，一定要找出大块的时间去学习攻克，可却不知在平时的小时间上，却可以更深刻的认识，我在说什么当然只有我自己知道，以此作为记录和勉励。

  昨天去拿户口，又跑了两次，我发现我和那个地方似乎很有缘分，每次办事情都要很多次的跑来跑去，所幸的是昨天在他们下班之前还是拿到了户口，明天没有课，去办下护照的事情，但愿不要出现状况，毕竟那时候再往返就不是那么轻松了。这让我觉得好象我们办的大多数的事情都会很曲折，以后的一段时间也许都会是这样的，但我想不会一直这样，生活一直给我们磨合的疼痛，等没有棱角了，就不会痛了，可是又有了新的问题：我还是我么？

  似乎有点像某个消磨时间的电视剧里面的问题，最后还是没有答案的。 而感情也似乎是没有答案的，我曾经觉得我是不需要爱情的，爱情对于我来说只是奢侈品而不是必需品，无所谓有无，因为看清楚了本质，所以不愿意身陷迷雾，只是在别人对我好的时候会用温暖的感觉，而我，终究还是属冰的，温暖固然让人眷顾，可我最终还是要回到寒冷的世界，怕融化掉。现在有些迷茫，不愿意去看，也不愿意去想，一个人的时候的自在惬意让我很有空间，我仍然不想让这写空间被两个人的世界添满，不想伤害任何一个人，这种善良在多年之后找回来似乎有些迟，可是我却没有勇气说出心中的想法。其实有时候比较了之后才能有鉴别，也许谁都不是我的，只是对谁好一点我还是会选择的。

  最近仍然致力于减肥，好象还有一点成果，哈哈，正在向两位数努力啊。

  I do not like requested, and forced, I originally want to do the matter which does for you on own, once you proposed, I can think passively, no matter therefore how I can't do.
  I give others pledge to me and others all very much care about for mine pledge, I remembered very clearly, others comply the thing which is borrows, even if I want to give him also to have to wait till him to return to give back to me to deliver again, even if is new,but must certainly this pledge cash, certainly I also never go back on word, as you say, I have not deceived you.
  A sentiment, is not comes quickly, is comes too lately, the beautiful mistake to be closest really, although sometimes the stupor, the dream awakes, sometimes did not persist, but life biggest joyful also mediocre.

  Some matters did attentively, anticipated very much, however the result not as your necessarily hopes.Is very disappointed? But the time, then all has been able to accept with pleasure steadily.
  In the past I like comedy, never look at the tragedy, cuz I always cannot control the sad mood, fears too moved.But the present just opposite, I like looking tragedy time gives vent to the mood, for character , also for myself, then can think oneself and he compared to very happy, like this could be content.Comedy, after joyful, only leaves behind the empty loneliness.

  Now is late, outside rains continuously, I also was a person in the room, the television is already traded by me the channel to be tired, I switch off simply.I have remembered your that regardless of happy lonely can remember person.

 Each person walks on the life path, is in order to meet the one of you.I believed I am in order to must meet with you, only then in here .Even if one day we to be born to this world again, I believed I certainly may find you, in order to meet with you, believed I can walk here once more.
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Daily in the same place, the human who is be together, only can be called the playmate.
But when you feel lonely,you first thinks is your true riend, certainly that person also must think you.
The friend is very actually simple, happy and worried respectively one half, the heart is actually connected, that all follows the fate.
Is doomed together person, regardless of is separated by far, can walk in the same place.
Is not doomed in the together person, even if the use string ties up together, also is doomed to have to be separated.
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  I do not like requested, and forced, I originally want to do the matter which does for you on own, once you proposed, I can think passively, no matter therefore how I can't do.
  I give others pledge to me and others all very much care about for mine pledge, I remembered very clearly, others comply the thing which is borrows, even if I want to give him also to have to wait till him to return to give back to me to deliver again, even if is new,but must certainly this pledge cash, certainly I also never go back on word, as you say, I have not deceived you.

TO MY BEST FRIEND: 
    Really fears the time without enough time, therefore writes very hurriedly, very illegible, but so long as you could feel this mood to suffice.
  I am not a sage, did not hope all people all people are better than me, however so long as were seeing together with you---you are very joyful, then I can be very joyful, really very joyful.
  The happy joyful day is always short, however very is really long with you in the together this section of day enough my aftertaste, each other dotes on, the interdependence, you possibly already became a part which I lived, I will miss you very much, as you say, possibly left was in order to meet, misses is in order to treasure, we could the continuously intimate connecting rod walk.。。。。。
  I only want to say to you that,This whole life is very happy cuz you, regardless of is the accidental meet, or the eternal friend,
  

  I all treasures!

不知道有没有哪位哲人说过，没做过第三者的女人不是完整的女人．

女人们都不想被第三者插足，可我也不认为所有的女人都不希望做第三者．

．．．．．．　

我想我不愿意被蒙蔽，那我只好去蒙蔽别人．

Did not know whether someone which philosopher had said, woman who has not been third party's is not the complete woman.

The women all do not want to participate by third party, but I did not think all women did not hope to be third party

.　

I thought I am not willing to be hoodwinked, then I have to go to hoodwink others.